ALMA MATER

A new nightmare haunts me nowadays.

It makes me crawl like a scared child.

Knees as close to my chest,

Hands kept securely underneath them,

And a head full of thoughts,

Buried deep down between the two,

With eyes full of sleep, yet, wide open,

I stare at this nightmare every day.

Hoping to sleep with dreams as sweet as fairy tales,

Trying to be calm with lullabies similar to those of my mom,

Fighting to sleep in peace: at least for a night,

I wish for this nightmare to end.

Never seen a night so dark and void,

Not able to see a thing, though I'm not blind.

There it is, the nightmare, coming closer day by day

Smiling at me, making me think of how

It forces me to eviscerate my present life.

Pushing me hard to think about the vague future ahead,

A path full of unknown strangers,

Not knowing whose going to be there for me

And whose going to be the Brutus.

Filled with thorns of doubts and uncertainties

A path that I believe that we all are afraid to take,

Yet inevitable, as to attain the "Settlement of life".

Though I know I must live in the present,

Should enjoy it and embrace it, while I am still young,

But the fear of having to lose you,

And that this present life is going to last only for 7 more months,

Scares me to death.

It veils the happiness that I want to have at this moment.

Millions of questions popping out in my head,

Bursting out like a bubble.

I overthink and overthink until I am fed up of thinking,

Of the worst things that could happen to me:

Once I leave you behind.

Never have I ever felt like this before

When I had to leave behind the other two just like you.

Maybe back then,

My childish mind could think of nothing else but

"They will take care of everything"

And all I had to give in return was good grades.

And maybe then the path I had to take was easy;

But now,

While comparing the responsibilities

that I have to bear on my shoulders

Not accepted, but forced onto me,

And to be on my own henceforth,

I look at myself as a bubble ready to burst.

They were with me for 10 and 5 years,

Though you being there for just 3,

I do not know, Babe, why I feel;

Leaving you is the hardest thing in my life!

Like a mother,

You helped me to foresee things

And taught me the important lessons in life.

Being independent is my motto right now,

Because you taught me that its the paramount thing.

I learned how to wash my clothes to

cooking a few dishes to

keeping the room clean

You taught me the value of a mother in our lives.

I never felt homesick when I am with you,

What am I saying isn't it?

Who will feel homesick when they are already at home.

You made me comfortable with the old coir mattress,

awful yet weirdly delicious dishes.

Having to live with 3 more brothers,

We shared more than what I could count.

You were the toughest father I have ever known.

The great lessons on saving money

To spending legitimately,

to avoid that crush towards drugs and alcohols

to be bold whenever I must,

to know the difference between friends and foe

to fight and to hold close to the chest.

Those lessons were really helpful to me, dad.

The brothers and sisters you gave

Came in as strangers from far away lands.

Different from toe to head,

From colour to language to anything I could think of,

But now we are one.

One big holy family, hoping not to let go.

But I am sure when we leave,

I'll be sailing in my tears of sea,

As you taught blood is thicker than water,

And now they are more than just friends.

You are the best the teacher I have ever come across

you showed me the right ways in life,

Brought light to the darkest times of my life

enriched me with knowledge

held me up with that.

And had always provided a lending hand

whenever I needed one.

Told me to keep on learning of things I don't know

punished me whenever I did wrong.

You helped to discover me,

Sorted out the likes and dislikes in me,

Made me what I forgot I should've been.

I must take a moment to say

how wonderful a best friend you are.

we kept each other's secrets

and loved to pry into one another's life.

you don't mind whatever I do

and however, I do

we were weirdly secured even at our worst insecurities.

we, my friend,

are at the inevitable relationship,

Of me being at the losers end.

I curse the way in which

Time became our greatest enemy.

The cold hearted villain whose about to cut our sacred bond.

The teen with the curious eyes who once looked up-to you is gone,

Now it has made a man,

Scared to face the challenges of his life,

Unable to lift up the responsibilities,

But somehow has to live the rest of his life,

In the typical conventional Indian cycle of life.

But I

Thank you for giving me a livelihood

the one, more than I deserve for.

the one I can just dream about

the one that I thought was far beyond my hands could reach for.

it's like you cleared a forest

and paved a way of roses

for me to go ahead.

but that's exactly what's bothering me you see

the very thoughts of having to let go of you,

to walk all the way ahead by myself,

that's what's haunting me day and night.

I hope I suffered from amnesia

Because it would've been better in that way

Instead of having to hold on

to all those memories

Like the heaviest cross that I will have to carry.

But babe do you remember you told me something that day

life- after all this;

is about moving on and ahead,

sometimes, letting go of things

that matter to us- the most.

Now as I know that day is not far away,

When we must say goodbye to each other,

Hoping to meet once again, in the

Mysterious years of life, yet to come,

I give you my permission and wishes

To be what you have been to me,

To give what you gave me,

To the so many Lijo's out there,

Aiming to fulfill their wishes,

Through their aspired Alma Mater!