The Funeral

His mind was crippled with thoughts Thoughts that were void and meaningless. In his venture of life, He tied the knot with vengeance. Baseless vengeance towards himself! Though he knew this fact He called himself as a coward as the only solution that he could find

For such thoughts was Death. I remember you asking me Is it wrong to love death? Is it wrong to be at peace? Is it wrong to be in love with the endless sleep? Why are you so jealous of me? Jealous because I wish for the inevitable! Envying me because I crave to face the truth? At those times, as his best friend I wondered He never used drugs or anything that would give him such enlightenment. All he had was some weird thoughts which gave rise to questions that He couldn't find the answers for. So the Ultimate solution he came up with was to die. Because at death, he thought, he will be finally at peace, Peaceful enough to get rid of such thoughts. The Loner is what he likes to be called that’s how he was till day one. Little did I know about him! I thought he was mysterious yet in the modern slang he was praised a nerd. I have wondered all along Can someone love themselves for so long: Without being bored Without being tired; He loved to be with himself. No one asked him what he liked because for them he barely existed to them. He never knew about most of the things that make you cool in high school. He never bothered to know! But all he wanted was to coexist with himself! Least bothered about the friends he made, Small the circle more peaceful he was. Barely knowing the sun rising and setting even at his home they saw him only for eating. “Can't help but wonder, What weird child he is, I ponder” Whispering her worries his mom would say. A woman who sang lullabies once Sings a song of remorse hence; Thinking about her loner son, she spends Day after day, shedding tears and prayers As that's all she knows! No one wants their son to be a hermit. All I ask and hope is for is his happiness. “Oh my dear innocent mother he might say I am happy when I am all alone I speak the least because that's all that matters. I love me is it so wrong? Having the trust and bond in me is it too bad?” Yet I knew he was a hypocrite. He had a lot of faces that amuse me. From a nerd I knew all these years, He resurrects to be the most adventurous. From the small friends circle he has, He becomes the great social being that ever lived. Like I said he is the most difficult subject to study. Because he barely lets anyone to do so! He has secrets as dark as the moonless nights And those secrets, Little by little was killing himself. With BPs high up the roof and a head turning bald neither counseling nor sense full talking made any change to him. Everybody else's problems were his as well. He took even the slightest bit of I-am-unable-to-do-that like a losers tag. He knew what he didn't know. Yet he refuses to learn when he had the chance. Procrastination was his favorite thing. He adorned laziness all over him. From binge watching to hating everything at the table, His dark circles showed how much he was killing himself. Wishing for being the coolest kid on the block He ended up being a nerd Ignored and thrown to trash. Alas, none of them were true except in his pervert little mind. A mind so little like a frog in a well! From I'm a bore and the things I love bores others to I don't belong here to his confusing philosophies that welcomed death; I really thought he lost it all.

Never have I ever seen a master in overthinking.

Making up imaginary worlds and thinking of problems that never existed, He was always a mysterious person to me. I never understood what he was what he wanted to do. But I knew that he loved death. He was good at double meaning talks I have never seen a loner like him. He loved himself but not as much as he loved death. When we love to have a taste of alcohol to satisfy our curiosity to

Know what's in that glorified highly recommended drink, He loved to discover death. Where the only problem was when u could say how u felt while drinking there won't be you to say how it felt to be with death! Because it's only a one way ticket! He knew this as well. So he called himself a selfish one. He said he wanted to know death and the mystery of it will remain with him as well. And the way he planned to take his life- The most dramatic scenes of his play. As the climax was approaching He chose to be in white and black. A white full sleeve shirt, And a black plaited pants. With black shoes shining, Reflecting the night sky full of bright stars. He chose the full moon night to end his role. Swimming has always been his enemy. But he knew water was more peaceful as you will feel like floating. There he was standing at the board, With knife reflecting his lifeless face, Cutting his veins on both hands And slowly stepping closer to the edge He waited for the blood to drain. Eyes were heavier than before Head bouncing helter shelter Mind a bowl of chaotic memories Heart as slow as snail Breath as if he was being strangled

He took the last breath before burring himself in the water. The curtain fell. The show ended there. Inside those red curly curtain, There was he, the protagonist, happily joining oblivion! His lungs craved for air, But he happily filled them with water. His head tried to escape, But his mind knew what he must do. Slowly stopped moving the hero, As he went down deep into the 13 feet pool. A smile on his face no more to be seen, As pitch black floor covered him well. I woke up with a shock! My roomie with a pale face! The college was alive at this unusual hour. The crowd of curiosity brought me to the pool. There he was floating in peace, With a smile that still hasn’t vanished,

From that scary face! Eyes opened as wide as he could Hands spread like the savior Christ His own Blood surrounding him, Finally he was at peace. On the white curtain they raised I saw his shadow. They made him sit and poured water to cleanse. Like a new born baby to be baptized He was getting prepared for the never ending journey of his new life, The eternal life! I saw the man who was bathing him. The man who made him; Didn't see a single drop shedding from his eye, Nevertheless, he was proud of what he made His 21 years old seed! Except that it wasn't so strong enough to survive. It didn't matter now.

Because he didn't know whom to blame! Was it him who failed to raise him properly Failed to teach the hurdles of life, Failed to make him strong and to teach him to survive? I saw his mother drained of emotions and strength. Unable to grasp that her son is gone. Looking at him lying in white clothes, In that specially made wooden coffin; She thought about the new cradle she brought when he was born. The mouth that tirelessly sang lullabies to make him sleep; Is now tired of calling out to him! To come back to life, To give her a chance again; as if she was guilty. I remember you telling me that you wanted to see your own funeral. To keep count of those who will come And those who don't! To see who even cared for you and who didn't. To see how spectacular a sight that would be, All eyes finally on you! I heard all the whispers

Of those who came to see you

For one last time! I overheard many stories of you. Things that even I didn't know! Well the truth is who knew about you anyway? Other than you yourself! You wanted this to be like this. To make all wonder and break their heads, To dig deeper into your dark mysterious life To find a reason so satisfactory enough

To Believe

Why you did what you had to do! Now my dear friend, My heartfelt condolences to you out there. Hope you are happy at least in your new life. I'm done searching for answers. Though many give different names to reason Why you did what you did! I know you have taken your secrets with you to the grave. Rest in peace my dear best friend. This is my apology letter to you. As I leave this on your grave, I do must confess how guilty I feel. For not being there for you when you might've needed me. Never put any effort to know depression in and out. It still haunts me to think, That I could've done something to go back in time,

To keep you alive in this life! Well, what can I do except this, To ask for forgiveness if I've done you wrong. Do remember me. As I know we might see again at some point of time! Until then, Yours lovingly Your So called Best Friend.