My Beloved Lovers.

My Beloved Lovers

From,

The soul that craves for your attention

To,

All my ex-beloved lovers

This is my open love letter to you all.

Oh my first love,

Do you remember that nine years back moment?

The moment you made the 12 year old me: a man!

Behind the school, next to the slides,

Under that old banyan tree-

Is where I proposed you!

Little did I know of love at that time!

Yet I wanted to share my life with you.

Big promises that were made to you,

Might’ve made you realize that

The 12 year old didn’t know about

“Don’t make promises that you can’t keep.”

Do you remember that time honey?

That time when you thought

Wasn’t the right time to be at love!

Though you rejected me with reasons

That was too obvious for you,

From we are like friends to family first,

Being in love was like a big sin

Sin that could've chased us out of Aden. But,

You were kind enough to not say that

“You are not manly enough for me.”

Alas, little did that child-cum-man in me knew

That I had to grow up a little bit more to make you mine!

Even today, your messages bring a smile on my face.

Each time you send a simile, I wonder babe,

Do you wish that I proposed you again?

When you tell the secrets that you haven’t told anyone,

Asking for solutions for your pretty little problems,

Your concerns about my whereabouts,

Just forces me to say I never stopped loving you.

But I am waiting you know.

Waiting to see if you’ll ever make a move,

Waiting to see if you really wanted me!

Oh, my biggest infatuation love,

You are the biggest regret of my life.

We were strangers at the beginning.

Barely had we noticed each other

Among the crowds of The Perfects!

But thanks to the mathematics class,

We got closer than we thought.

Close enough that you loved to sit next to me,

For clearing your doubts was my hobby,

Making you feel stupid was my leisure time goal,

You laughing at your stupidity were my happiness.

Times when your lunch tasted delicious than mine,

We set aside our caste and religion, and

Our dating with those cafeteria puffs

Were much better than a candle light dinner!

When I was scared of things than you were,

You made me to love those imperfections in me.

When you cheered for the bad sportsman in me, when no else could,

I wanted to make you mine.

Honey, I am sorry for being a jerk at that time.

On November 5th, I saw a sparkle in your eyes.

Me in my new birthday dress,

And you in your usual,

Yet beautiful school uniform,

That navy blue skirt and white shirt,

You were a princess in many ways.

With those messy and curly plaited hair of yours,

And a red ribbon at the end,

Like a perfect 10th grade girl,

You stood there near our class corridor,

Waiting for me to make the first move!

As much as I loved you, and as much as I wanted you,

I was scared of being rejected again.

I was scared of being told that I was not enough again.

You telling me that I am a better friend than a lover,

Made me think- let her make the first move!

Babe, I curse that moment.

I still remember you turning away in disappoint,

You very much hoped that I would come to you

And say “I Love You.”

But I am so sorry for breaking your heart.

For making you think that I didn’t have feelings for you.

I won’t blame you for falling in love with somebody else.

Because I am the culprit who murdered your love!

When you told me your future goals

With your new boyfriend,

I had killed him a million times,

When you said I should be there for your wedding,

A thousand knifes ripped through my heart.

Bleeding inside, yet pretending to be happy for you,

Blaming the nerdish stupid coward in me,

For letting the perfect girl slip right through my fingers,

I had killed myself a million times over and over again.

Later came those days of remorse and seclusion,

When you were disturbingly quite,

With a face that lacked the smile that I always loved,

Without your usual zest that was my drug,

Painfully I watched the days passing by,

While you were trying to free yourself

From the aftermaths of your breakup

And I, in a voyage of rediscovering myself.

Finally we both decided to let go of each other.

Yet what I don’t understand is,

How crazy he should be to let go of someone like you.

Years went by, and one day, like a huge surprise,

There were you with your Instagram profile.

That old crush in me flowered to love.

But I wanted to know what was there in your mind.

Disappointed; yet I understood when you said,

“I’m done with relationships. Can’t bear to be cheated again!”

Oh my dear strongest love,

Thank you for showing this homebody

That there’s a world, much better than the four walls!

Thank you for chiseling out the best of me.

Thank you for making me fall in love with myself.

You discovered what I wanted.

You saw right through me.

My secrets were no longer secrets anymore.

Cos those were yours as well!

That heavily rainy night at the beach,

You and I holding each other under the old roof,

Enjoying the moment

Like we’ve never seen it before

This time it was you who made the move.

Right bite at the right spot at the right moment!

It was more than enough for this poor soul

To understand how much you yearned for me.

You valued me more than I did.

I still remember those times when you said

I look sexy in my jean shorts.

Henceforth were the days of unconditional love,

Where we discovered each other

With nothing else but our naked bodies!

You over me and me over you, again and again

We loved each other like one else would’ve.

The beach was our favorite spot,

With the five Rs groundnut on our hands,

We fed each other, with the

Sun setting over the horizon

Filling up the sky with red ink,

The sea as calm as never before,

With the sea breeze brushing over your hair,

Those merry people around us

Always made our romantic evening!

My lap was your favorite pillow,

My lame jokes were the best humor you’ve ever heard.

Together we stitched our future,

You always preferred those SFS apartments,

Said those are the best to live in.

Our dreams were boundless,

After all when we were together,

We were limitless.

Our confessions to each other,

At your favorite church,

In the presence of the holy cross,

Made our bond even stronger!

Babe do you know that

You are the only one who knows all my dirty secrets?

We handed over each other’s keys to our hearts

And we promised to never let go.

Because letting go meant to die!

But sweetheart,

What went downhill for us?

Why is that you are not next to me now?

Who made the mistake?

Always I stand at the culprits place.

A little more satisfaction is what you wanted.

A little more attention is what your possessive mind needed.

A little more talkative one is what you were looking for.

A bit more caring one is who you missed.

Honey you really thought I got bored of you?

Or was it you who were bored of me?

But it took me years to know

The reasons why you and had to say goodbye.

It’s because this introvert fool

Didn’t know to express his love,

It’s because he thought that

You might understand, that

He loved to listen than to talk.

Didn’t know that I was the last one

To wish you on your birthday,

Didn’t know that I had to show some

Jealousy and anger when you went for

Shopping with your friends rather than with me,

Didn’t know that those little things

That mattered most to you, were the least bothering to me.

Little did I knew that the cuss words I used,

Was the first you ever heard of it.

Once our interests were the same, but

Later we drifted off to nowhere

Not knowing the way back.

The problems that you had

Were new to me!

Interesting but confusing,

None of them had an alternative solution

Except us breaking apart once and forever!

Then you came back again, but this

Time not for the lost love,

But for a one night stand.

We together forever, has become a thing of the past.

Here you are, next to me now,

But why do I feel like talking to a stranger?

That innocence which I loved is gone,

The humbleness buried deep in your heart,

That cute smile replaced with rude face

I slowly realized that,

Lust has taken over love.

Oh my dear mysterious love,

College life would’ve been

Boring without you by my side,

The time I’ve spend to learn about you

To know your likes and dislikes,

Sculpting myself from the lessons of the past,

To be better and the best just for you,

Babe did I say that,

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

You excelled in those fields where I was a big failure.

The way you walked, caught my attention

The way you act, caught my respect

The way you talked, mesmerized me

The way you socialized, envied me.

You were the hardest subject I ever came across.

Twisted and turned here and there,

Very secretive and mysterious all over,

I still find it hard to understand you honey.

The days before exams were when we were close.

Closer than I could ask for,

Combined studies has never been

Better before in my life.

Wanting but not willing to disclose,

The way you let my fingers

Slide right through your pants, and let ‘em

Play through your private parts.

Knowingly but doesn’t wanting to acknowledge,

You let me do things that you and I loved.

Or at least I thought you did.

Your lips were the best, I must say

Wet and slimy just as it should be!

The unnecessary Christmas holidays

Was a big show stopper for us,

That last goodbye hug was so special,

In ways that only I can imagine.

Yet I didn’t stop and neither did you.

Cos Whats-app was there for our aid!

Asking you three times a day

On what you ate- made my day.

To the question you asked

“Why do I care?”

I believe I answered quite romantically,

“Then who else will other than me?”

In return, I still remember,

Even though I deleted our chats long back ago,

You send me a kiss emoji!

Those 20 days were like centuries,

As for lovers being away; meant a hurdle.

Yet we saw each other through video calling.

Coming back meant a great deal for me,

It meant being able to be with you.

But later only I realized that it was

Only for me, a fool,

Who thought that we were in love!

Hugs and kisses

And even sleeping together

Was our next step to a lot more ahead.

But babe, even today writing this letter

With you in my mind,

I do not understand why you walked away.

You could’ve said something

At least for the sake of this aching soul!

You could’ve stopped me when

You knew that I wanted

A long term relationship with you than just sex!

But instead, you decided to use me

Until you got what you wanted and

Just threw me away like a piece of garbage.

Honey, here I am rotting away to hell.

I wasn’t ignoring you at all.

I was just waiting to see if you will

Put some effort to come and talk to me.

But when you did, I saw you being happy.

Happy at having found the love of your life,

A crush at the moment I presume.

You came to me asking for tips to

Impress the new love you found.

You said, to impress I must do some great counteracting.

Oh dear, I couldn’t see you asking anyone

For impressing me!

You didn’t care about how I felt that moment.

After all, who wants to know about the things,

That is of no use anymore!

Like a sharp double-edged knife,

You taught me that expectations can turn out to be nasty.

The more I get to know about you babe,

The more I have been wounded.

So honey,

I let go of you.

But it hurts; yet,

I just don’t care about you anymore!

Oh my dear,

Somebody-else’s-going-to-be-lovers,

I wish you all the very best.

Thank you for being part of my life.

Thank you for your valuable lessons.

I really hope that you will be happy

With the new lover you find.

Hope that they will satisfy you all more than I did.

Probably provide a much better loving arm than I did.

And may keep you happy for years to come,

And the least thing that I could hope for,

Is that you two staying together;

Happily ever after!

Thank you.

Yours lovingly,

The ex-lover!

P.S.

I wrote this poem because of Adele’s two great songs that inspired me,

“Someone Like You” and

“Love In The Dark”

Do listen to them also.